In Search of that Perfect Tree

It was going to be sunny in the mid thirties.  The perfect day to hunt down that perfect Christmas Tree.  It had to be just the right height, not too large at the base, and the perfect shade of green.  I had the entire day to head up into the Kaniksu National Forest. Looking back I would need it.  You see doing something as easy as driving up the road and cutting down a tree is never that easy.  First of all a new blanket of snow up above 5,000 feet would make things interesting.  If you follow the typical tracks of tree seekers you are at best going to get the second best tree.  If not the tenth.  No to find the best, brightest, most magnificent tree, you must head off the beaten path.  Thus I threw in my cross country skis, extra boots, clothes, fire starter, my gun, and food and water.  As you can see I’ve been on these easy trips with myself before.  There was a 50/50 chance I would be skiing out and calling a friend to head backup the next day to retrieve my Jeep.  It’s not that I want to get in peril.  No instead, I am just not very smart.  “The trees must be better up this logging road that hasn’t been driving on in a decade.”  I always think to myself.  In my defense I immediately have the angel pop up on my shoulder.  He is the voice of reason.  “Don’t go up that road!”  Then the devil pops up on my other with a better argument.  “Don’t be a pussy!”  So he throws the angel out of the Jeep and we continue on.  That brings us to the first of three winch out situations.  While rounding a corner listening to Here Comes Santa Claus I slide into a ditch. “ Now that was not that bad says the devil.”  as I climb back in the Jeep snow covered from falling down the side of the mountain trying to find a tree to anchor my winch.  At this point my boots are filled with snow and I have lost one glove.  This is why I bring three pairs of gloves and two pairs of boots.  It pulls out fairly easily.  Then when I go to unhook my winch rope I fall again.  This time in a different spot.  I lose one of my other gloves.  The sun is out and I have a good feeling that this will be my only time I will have to winch out.  In the distance I spot a stand of pines.  These look like they are just what I’m hunting.  As I make my way towards this bounty I spot a Cow Moose and her Calf.  They are in the middle of the road and have no desire to back up.  So I sit listening to Jingle Bells.  After a few minutes they turned and trotted up the side of the mountain.  As I approached my bounty the snow pushed over the hood of my jeep.  I don’t even ask the devil what he thinks because I already know his answer.  At this point I get stuck.  I back up two feet and am really buried.  Winch out number two.  This goes off without a hitch and I am freed of the drift.  I park, pull on fresh socks, boots, and gloves.  I hike down a side trail following a single set of Moose tracks.  These can’t be my old friends as the mother would not have left the calf.  Plus these look to me to be a big Bull Moose.  How do I know this?  I don’t but it makes for a better story.  As I round the bend with my axe there it is!  The perfect tree.  After chopping it down.  I hook it up to my strap and start my slow pull back up to the Jeep.  After taking a few well needed breaks I reach my vehicle.  I hoist the trophy up on top of my hardtop rooftop tent and bind it down.  Now it’s an easy drive back downhill to the tent.  Well, it would have been if that son-of-a-bitch wouldn’t have spotted the sign that read, Lookout Tower 2 miles. So, it goes without saying three hours later and another winch out and rope fix I arrived at my tent with the perfect Christmas Tree.  This of course was minus another glove and hat. 

Happy Holidays!