Bald Bigfoot watches littles Yetis over 4th of July

For a day and a half I would show three Yeti’s ages six, three and almost two the ways of the Squatch.

Fist nutrition; Donuts were a must! These sugary colorful rounds of dough seemed like a good idea at the time. Mistake number one. Approximately ten seconds after consumption the littlest Yeti destroyed the three year old’s princess castle made of blocks. This prompted the middle Yeti to launch a screaming attack upon the youngest member of the clan. His defense was to bite his sister on the arm. As I was separating the two gremlins she placed a farewell kick to the face.

“Mom doesn’t let us have donuts!” the six year old announced as she finished a second frosting covered rainbow of baked energy.

“Ya let’s keep this between us.” I stated.

As I looked at the clock I had made it to 9:30 am on the first day. “Let’s go outside”. I announced. All three grabbed their shoes for their assault of the back yard. This went well for the next half an hour. The oldest played on the wooden play structure, which she thought would be out of reach of her little brother. He was busy pretending to make pizzas in his play bbq, microwave and oven. The three year old was, where was the three year old? I found her inside in the snack closet.

By 10:15am the sugar comas had set in. The girls sat on swings slowly swaying in the breeze. The three year old just laid down in the sand box on his back and stared at the clouds. Note to self: “No more doughnuts”.

I made sure that lunch was a heathy one. “Can we get Happy Meals for lunch?” The trio asked.

“Of course!” I responded. We loaded up and headed to McDonald’s. “Remember no snitching.” This is a request that I knew would not be honored. Kids love to turn states evidence.

After lunch it was time for naps. The littlest Yeti hit the bed and was out. I first changed his diaper. To my surprise a rock the size of a grape sat by itself. I deducted that he had put it down there while in the sand. Although to be honest he did have a mouthful of sand when he came out of his sugar coma.

The three year old squatch was a different story. She had a list of demands before she retired for the next two hours. Most were met easily enough. “I need JJ.” this was her demonic looking doll. I had her grab it, as I did not want to be possessed. Number two “I need my blanket placed the right way on me. The list continued until she requested another snack. I said no! “Fine”. She closed her eyes in disgust. J.J. on the other hand watched me leave the room. Yikes!

The six year old does not nap. She was quietly at the kitchen table when I returned downstairs. “Papa, you’re doing ok so far.” Somehow this made me feel better about the first half of the day.

“Thank you.” I responded as I sat down with the baby split screen monitor on my lap. Both of the younger Yetis were asleep. J.J. stared at the monitor. I clicked over to the youngest yetis room.

The next two hours gave me hope that I could make it to night time. As the clock struck 3:00pm the littles started to stir. After getting them up and changing the youngest (finding another rock in his diaper). We headed outside. After all three getting another snack of course.

“When do we get to do the fireworks?” The six year old asked. She had been elected as the group’s attorney.

It was decided to do the fireworks during the daytime because they were poppers. This would become more interesting as the Yeti’s have expert hearing. This allowed them to hear the ice cream truck from miles away. “ICE CREAM!” rang out across the neiborhood.

I was forced to make a responsible decision. The squatches had already consumed donuts, cupcakes and snacks. “Hey guys I don’t think we had better get ice cream.” I announced. I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed a mutiny take place so quickly.

The oldest gave her opening statement: “It’s 4th of July Papa! Do you know that means it’s our country’s birthday.” I wasn’t positive but I think I was being accused of being a communist.

The three year old took a more protested approach. “Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!” she shouted.

The two year old let out a battle cry as he launched himself from the front porch head first into the front lawn. He lay there face down in shock unmoving.

“You killed him Papa!” the three year old shouted. Then she immediately returned to “Ice cream, Ice cream, Ice cream!”

The neighbors had started to come outside to checkout the chaos. I was waiting for the six year old to shout, ” My Papa is a pinko, card carrying communist.” The three year old had grabbed her brother’s set of hard plastic dinosaurs and stood on the corner of the street ready to deploy them like a police spike strip incase the ice cream truck tried to do a drive by without stopping. The little Yeti still lay face down in the lawn unmoving.

This was not a hill I was willing to die on. “Alright I stated. Since it’s the 4th of July we will celebrate with ice cream.” The youngest sprang to life heading to his sister on the corner. The oldest looked at me with a triumphant expression.

The Yeti’s each carefully studied the pictures on the side of the ice cream truck. After some consideration they excitedly ordered their bounty.

“Spider Man! Was the youngest’s choice. This was an ice cream molded and colored like Spiderman on a stick.

“Ice cream bar please.” the middle one announced.

“The cookies and cream cup please.” concluded the order.

“That will be $18 please” said the smiling extortionist of the confectioner.

“$18!” was all I could get out before the six year old shot me a look that said; “Papa we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” “Here keep the change.” I said handing him a twenty.

As the ice cream truck drove away the celebration began. “ICE CREAM! Thank you Papa.” the three Yeti terrorists shouted. With this the youngest threw his Spiderman ice cream on a stick into the air. It landed on his head. His oldest sister didn’t miss a beat. She grabbed it off his head and handed it back to him.

“Fireworks!” Was the new chant emanating throughout the trio.

I opened the large package of poppers. “I know how these work”. yelled the oldest aiming the small barrel like popper at her brother’s sticky hair and pulling the string. “Bang”. Confetti covered his head immediately gluing itself to the side of his face and hair.

After thirty minutes of the firework/popper extravaganza the front yard looked like a scene from Apocalypse Now. Spent poppers, confetti and a shoe littered the front. The youngest had extracted his revenge by stealing his sisters ice creams whenever they put them down to shoot another popper.

“It’s bath time!” I announced. The two youngest were peeled out of their stickiness and placed into the warm water. The water was dyed red, blue, yellow and green. It melted into a brown mucky slosh. “Alright into your rooms for PJs.” I said wrapping them in two beach towels. The oldest climbed in the tub after the sludge was washed down the drain.

After getting the youngest in his crib. I then wrangled the middle Yeti into her PJ’s. “I wanted my cat pajamas.” she informed me.

“Tomorrow you can wear those.” I responded as I readied for an argument.

“O.K. Papa”. she smiled. I took the win.

“I’t’s time to get out of the shower.” I informed the six year old. She shut the water off and wrapped a towel around herself. “Do you need help getting you PJs on?”

“No I can do it by myself.” she informed me. “Mom and Dad never let me shower!”

“Huh”. was all I could muster. “I’m going to check on your brother and I be in to tuck you girls in.”

The youngest was fast asleep. So I headed towards the girls room. “Mom and Dad never let me shower.” I remembered all of a sudden. “Oh no.” I thought. I quickly headed downstairs and checked the celling for water. None thank God. I made my way back up to the girls room.

They were already in bed reading books. “Ten minutes and I’m coming up to turn off the light.” I noticed a pile of clothes by the dresser. I looked at the three year old and noticed she was now wearing her Cat PJs. I also notice JJ staring at me. Yikes. I headed out the door.

Ten minutes later after turning off their light I returned downstairs and collapsed onto the air mattress. I set the monitor where I could see it. I closed my eyes. One last look and I was going to sleep. JJ was staring at the monitor. I clicked the view to the youngest room and fell asleep.

The next day went off without a hitch. We had breakfast. Oatmeal and yogurt. We played outside. The two youngest took a nap after a lunch on Mac and Cheese. The had one snack before their nap and one after. The oldest colored me a picture of us four doing poppers eating ice cream.

At five p.m. Their parents arrived home with two new puppies. “How did everything go?” they asked.

“Great”. I said heading for the door. “Love you guys!” As I headed out the door I heard the oldest say;

“Papa gave us donuts!”

Snitch!